Bear fight

Bear fightI had a spot of bother and was challenged to a fight.
My bear-friend said he’d help me like a brave Arthurian knight.
I thought he’d be an ally with his teeth and claws so scary!
Alas, in actuality, the situation got quite hairy.


Fox in a box

Fox in a boxWhen I was walking home one day I saw a little fox,
His pointed nose protruding as he rummaged in a box.
He had a twinkle in his eye, for that I named him Sparky.
But the moment that I turned my back, he ran off with my car keys.


Little pigeon

I seen a little pigeon and he’s landed on the roof.
I swear to you he’s winked at me– I swear that it’s the truth!
He constantly keeps cooing or cat-calling– I’m not sure.
I suspect his flighty fancy’s fallen ‘pon me to adore.
He’s looking at me lustfully with beady birdy eyes;
His heart and wings aflutter, well, it’s took me by surprise!
I’ve got his head abopping in a sensual kind of way.
Of course I’ll feathered-friend-zone him, but the interest’s made my day.


An open heart

I always feel so cautious about opening my heart
But the truest test of all is to comfortably fart.
Not a little cute one, and not even a queef–
I really want to rip one so you taste it in your teeth.
And in that dank miasma, you truly will have passed
If you can kiss me whilst you breathe that present from my ass.



He said he had an anecdote. I told him that was fine
But did he have a head dote and a back dote for his spine?

Did he have a foot dote? Did he have one for each toe?
And, dolefully, I asked him– what’s a dote when it’s at home?

I said I’d heard of does before as those are baby deer
And I suppose that does have necks… But a neck doe sounds queer.

I’ve also heard of antidotes but judging by his quote
This man seemed very pro-dote, so I dropped my no-dote vote.

The man ignored my questions, and swiftly left the room.
Anecdotally and totally, he didn’t seem amused.